This being the last week of the decade, which I’ve been told we’re calling  the Oughts, I thought I’d go over a few things we learned.  In no particular order:

• If you want to be famous and you’re not 17 years old yet, then the path is clear… do drugs, go crazy, do a stint in rehab, have bad relationships, and make sure you do it all before turning 24– if you don’t you won’t be remembered by anybody.  See Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse as pioneers of this principle. Then try to remember all those other girls that were on the pop charts and on MTV circa 2000 to 2005.

• If you are going to have an affair– PLEASE make it interesting.  Don’t say you’re going hiking in the Appalachians.  Be like Bill Clinton.  BS your way out it.  Up against impeachment, he didn’t hem and haw, he came up with the brilliant– it depends on your definition of “is”.

• Afghanistan and Iraq are two different countries.  Yes, they are close to each other.  Yes, the people look similar.  They both have lots of sand.

• Unless the musical guest is good, there is no reason to suffer through an entire episode of Saturday Night Live.

• Vampire shows are great. See True Blood, Buffy, Angel.  Its really hard to screw up a vampire show.  Unless its Moonlight.

• It sounded like a good idea, now not so much… American remakes of recent hit British Shows: Life on Mars, Coupling, The Office

• Although this sounded like a bad idea, it has turned out brilliantly… The 17th hour of the Today Show with Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda.  That sh*t is funny. Doesn’t matter who the guest is– Gene Simmons!? Kathie Lee will roll with it.

• Movies based on comic books can be good but probably won’t be.

• If you are a hot chick and you make a movie where you look dumpy or get the crap beat out of you you’ll win an Oscar.  See: The Hours, Monster, Monster’s Ball, Million Dollar Baby.

Charlize Theron and her Oscar for Monster

• You don’t have to have ANY talent at all to make an album. See: Heidi Montag and Paris Hilton. You don’t even have to sing.  See: Britney Spears or Ashley Simpson.

• We’ve learned more, but this is enough to get you started before the next decade starts.

Related posts:

1. Why I Can’t Wait for Fall–Skanks, Hos, Strung Out Nurses, and Vampires Fill My DVR
2. Confessions of a TV Junkie
3. Worst Places to Live on Television
4. Dracula, Our First Vampire Love