Folks, Christmas came a little late for me. But better late than never with ABC’s debut of Conveyor Belt of Love… its pure magic. I don’t know how they could possibly top the first show, but by God, I intent to find out. Here’s the gist, ladies chose to date men sent down, you guessed it, a conveyor belt. I may have forgotten or changed the names of contestants because I was so blinded by the spectacular badness that I failed to pay too much attention for fear of completely rotting my brain.
Normally, I can’t bring myself to watch network dating shows. Unless of course there is a risk of infection or a contestant shits themselves (see Flavor of Love). I can’t get too interested in the loosely-based reality love lives of people too stupid or shallow for me to pay attention. First we’re introduced to the panel of chicks. ABC managed to hit every misconceived stereotype of a single woman in their “20s”. Yeah, I air quoted 20s, because let’s face it, one contestant in particular behaved like a frigid June Cleaver. Then we had the desperate one, then the busty blond with the most annoying voice ever recorded, the self-proclaimed nerd, the easily wooed chick, and my personal favorite: angry asian tranny bitch.
The men have sixty seconds to woo at least one lady as they glide down the conveyor belt. The ladies may then ask questions. At any time the ladies may indicate that they are interested or not interested. If none are interested he is sent packing. Some were sent away more quickly than others. If the guy succeeds he is sent to that lady’s box. I couldn’t make it up if I wanted.
If more than one lady likes the man whore, he gets to question either one or both of the ladies. It’s not a sure thing for any of the guys at this point. One chick swapped out guys like three times. Angry asian tranny stuck to her guy, who seemed a little on the gay side in his gold Speedo and Princess/Rambo in his arms. Princess/Rambo is his dog. “Princess by day; Rambo by night.” I guess it made sense he ended up with angry asian tranny. After all the men are paraded out, the final couples are sent on dates.
My favorite guy was probably the nervous sommelier that ended up with the busty blond packing the truck driver voice. She and another woman were interested in a new guy but his sincere plea made her lose interest in him. Usually a guilty pleasure like this is reserved to my go-to-station of reality shit ,VH1 or at least summer on network TV. If ABC can keep up the “quality” of men and women, this show will hold my interest at least until the end of its run.
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